FRACTURE

I came across this piece of writing of mine from December 29, 2025, and decided to include it here as it was.

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The End of 2025

My aunt had to go through a breast tumor operation (she’s okay now). That’s why we came to our home village—to take care of her, and to manage everything for her treatment. We had to stay longer than expected—almost a whole month—because the operation was delayed for some reason. Finally, after struggling through intense cold of the winter, we’re heading back to Dhaka. The departure is at 12:40 PM today.

We came here on 5th December, and today is 29th December—so it’s been 24 days. I didn’t want to stay for this long, and I told them that. They understood clearly that this would cause a negative impact on my studies. But we don’t have the power to control the future. We didn’t know this delay was about to happen.

However, what I forgot to mention is that they also had to prepare some of their official papers from local authorities—like birth certificates, NIDs, etc. And that probably resulted in a few more days.

My first class test (CT1) ended on 4th December. Yes, we came here literally the day after the end of my first class test, and I still don’t know if the result is out yet. As the provided document says, my half-yearly exam is going to take place in the 3rd week of January. As you’ve probably guessed already, I’ve never touched a single textbook this month—I didn’t even bring one with me. And all these days, I only read passages from the PDF of my English for Today (EFT) book, based on my next exam syllabus. And don’t forget—I’m a college student studying science.

I feel bad about what’s going to happen in my next exam. But I feel bad not for me, but for them. They want me to get the top grades, I don’t. From 9th grade, I realized that these numbers may matter to some people right now, but they’re never going to matter to me. People may disagree with me, but that’s how I think, and how I function.

I can already feel what’s about to happen after I reach Dhaka—that exact same shit repeating inside my head. But I don’t care! Maybe I’ll fail in the exam, maybe they’ll beat me up—but I know that my future doesn’t depend on their expectations.

I don’t live to fulfill others’ dreams. I’d genuinely like to help them if I could, but I’ll never let them decide my future life. My future is mine. It’s not an origami paper that you can fold however you want. It’s not an elastic band that you can stretch whenever you want. It’s not a slime that you can pinch or punch. It’s not your favorite doll that you can dress however you prefer. It’s not your home that you can enter or leave whenever you like.

No, you don’t have those rights. I’d respect your opinions more if you didn’t try to shape my future. My life isn’t yours to decide—you can only help me shape it in my own way.

By the way, goodbye 2025—for all the miseries, blank memories, and an honest sense of my soul that you gifted me!