FRACTURE

Trisha is one of the very few female friends I have. I was the one who texted her first, asking for some biology suggestions for the half-yearly exam. But if you know me well, you’d know how much I hate memorizing biology—or studying for biology exams in general. So, obviously, that wasn’t the real reason. I simply wanted to start a conversation.

I wasn’t being weird or trying to flirt. I just wanted to make a female friend. College is the first time in my life where I’ve studied in the same classroom with both boys and girls. I had that opportunity when I was a kid too, but... I was just a kid back then.

You could say I kind of liked her. I’ve had plenty of crushes throughout my life, but I never acted on any of them. I intentionally never tried to get a girlfriend.

Maybe I could’ve if I had wanted to, but whenever I find myself liking a girl, a sharp voice echoes in my head:

"You’re broke."

That single thought is usually enough to stop me. But that’s not what I’m writing about today.

She once told me that, back when she was probably in class 8, she had a crush on a senior boy. At the time, he didn’t seem interested, and eventually they stopped talking.

Now that she’s in college, they’ve started talking again. She said, “Maybe he likes me now.” I don’t know much about her personal life—I’m only writing what she’s shared with me through small conversations.

She told me they both want to get married someday, but her father doesn’t approve. She also mentioned that the guy had been in a previous relationship. His ex-girlfriend left him.

Strangely enough, the boy his ex-girlfriend cheated with had the same name as mine. Because of that, he’s apparently a little uncomfortable with Trisha being friends with me.

According to her, they argue quite often, and sometimes my name even becomes a part of those arguments. That’s their personal life, so I don’t want to judge it.

He’s also quite religious, so I can understand why he’d want to keep his future wife at a distance from other men.

At one point, I wanted to unfriend her from Facebook. She stopped me. She said I was one of her “good” friends. So instead, I suggested that we simply keep some distance and not talk much, since her boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with us being close.

This evening, she texted me, “yo." I only reacted with a thumbs-up.

Normally, I don’t ignore her messages, and she doesn’t ignore mine either. But this time, I wanted to see what would happen if I stayed silent. Would she also stop trying? Or would she make an effort to keep me in her life?

The reason I’ve been trying to talk to girls isn’t because I’m looking for a relationship. I simply want to understand them better. And strangely, the more I learn, the more convinced I become that perhaps living alone for the rest of my life is the path that’s better for me.

I think I’m becoming more of a gentleman. But these days, being a good person doesn’t always work in your favor.

Yes, I’m wired, thank you!